Portrait

Before I was part of a family.
............ I drove on the right side of the road.
............ I was not defined by life or death and
there was no gray indecision lurking.
............ I used to smile.
........... Love was a warm blanket available always.
........... I had your gaze without question.

Before We are sitting on the beach your
palm open as I trace the lines
reading the future (does it matter
if the future never happened?)

Before. is a hard and fast line.
............ It is the border to another country with a
river I cannot uncross.
............ Over and over, I am deported.
............ I have no citizenship, no visa,
no permit of any kind.
........... My face is unrecognizable is that
the same thing as being dehumanized?

Before I would have laughed easily with my
red lipstick.
........... I was that woman who could refuse.
.......... I was that woman whom you could never abuse
......... I was never strip, bend over, squat, pull those pussy
lips open until you feel a breeze up there, inmate.

Before I would never say fuck you.